On Becoming a Better Man
Many things drive people to do a lot of things, many a time we do all we do to please some people in our lives. Maybe our parents or childhood friends or spouses or our bosses to show that we are a better person. Many times, it’s as a result of a comparison, a comparison can be a good thing or a bad thing.
People get tired of pursuing things as soon as the purpose of the pursuit is being defeated. Many times, we pursue success as a result of Fear. Fear of Failure, fear of success, fear of being a fraud and many other forms of fears that have formed our being over the time of our existence.
“Know Thine Enemy”. — Sun Tzu
The challenge is that many find it hard to articulate their insecurities and fears, some just keep avoiding it and only a few really try to challenge their fears. Doing what will challenge you should always be your mantra, it helps broadens limits. Fear is your enemy but knowing what kind of fear you have conquers your fears. that’s why we have different types of Phobia’s to name our fears for us. as negative sides attract, you should attract towards your fears.
“Know your Limits and break them” — John Mason
Taking up challenge helps most times in fighting fears, but most times many people do that for the wrongest reasons. They take up positions to spite others, they do tasks to show off and gloat at successes forgetting success is part of the process and not the destination itself. Success can be as simple as ticking boxes on a to-do list as it can be as tough as leading a football team to win a World Cup or giving a speech at the United Nations’ General Assembly.
“The pot calls the Kettle black” — African Proverb
Comparison actually destroys in the longest run. Playing the comparison game doesn’t take anyone anywhere. If it does anything I know, it frustrates and brings you into depression. Comparison won’t give you a proper SWOT analysis of whatever you are doing, instead, it’d give you an unfair and unrealistic metric to judge your abilities.
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Taking context into consideration really matters a lot when defining success. You remember whatever you do, it’s a context of where you’ve been coming from and where you are going to. Fine, many a time you don’t have a clear cut of your destination, as value-driven opportunities call and show up and direct you abruptly.
The process is majorly influenced by your ambitions and how far you are willing to pursue them. Sometimes we place ambition on a lesser priority and put spirituality at the forefront. Sometimes it’s the relationship we think that matters while other times families and friends take our priority list. Whatever hierarchy or order we find ourselves, we want it to be worth our time as we place a significant amount of time on each and every of this activity.
Placing any of these thing in the front burner won’t give the same results, and whatever we choose to make the most important doesn’t really make us a better person. to many, impact is a critical thing to them and they sacrifice every other thing including their long term happiness to make an impact on people’s lives irrespective of the proximity.
Many relate doing things of scale as being better. Recently a bestselling author who wrote a book that changed people’s lives and saved many from suicide wasn’t able to save his own son from committing suicide. Was it that his son was beyond his redemptive reach? or he did not have enough time for his family due to his tours and his long hours alone time writing? no one can answer these questions. To him, he would answer if his family should be his priority or his so-called journey to give the world a purpose and deliver people in unknown countries any time they read his any of his books.
Being a better person is staying true to your ambitions and dreams, many times we reach a compromise. As a work in progress we tweak our version of being every time, but not at the detriment of who we ought to be. Doing anything at a bigger scale doesn’t necessarily make you a better person, in fact, it might make you a sad person as things start to scale, you discover you have to sacrifice more. You might eventually have to sacrifice all that you call your own at the altar of ambition.
In conclusion, whatever you choose as your metric in life, if it’s people, money, power, adventure, love or spirituality, know that is exactly what you measure your life’s worth with. Comparing yourself with another person whose metric is “Career” when yours is “Family” is unfair. Learn to prioritize and do well at your priority.